DEAR MISS MANNERS: The opposite day on the prepare, I used to be standing when a gentleman with a cane got here on and was clearly wanting round for somebody to surrender their seat.
Sadly, most seated individuals have been misplaced of their books, telephones or tablets. I’ve been equally caught up in my system up to now, solely to really feel unhealthy later once I realized that somebody wanted the seat, which I might have fortunately given up if I had identified. It’s potential another seat occupiers would have felt equally.
Wouldn’t it have been acceptable to faucet a seated particular person on the shoulder to alert them?
GENTLE READER: Should you do, put together to be rebuffed — if not by the seated patrons, then by the cane-wielding gentleman, who might rudely lecture you in your presumption in assuming that he’s previous, disabled or each.
It could be safer, Miss Manners advises, to search out one thing that you are able to do your self, and to counsel it in a tone that shall be overheard by your fellow commuters. This may be a suggestion to carry any encumbering gadgets — although not, presumably, the cane.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a buddy I’ve identified for just a few years who has a trip dwelling close to ours. I’ve by no means been to her dwelling in a close-by metropolis, however we socialize when they’re at their place right here. I’d name it an informal friendship.
Her granddaughter was getting married and I acquired a bathe invitation. I don’t know her granddaughter, and even the woman’s mom. I didn’t actually know what to do, however I did ship a modest reward and that was it.
Then I acquired an invite to the marriage. I broached the topic with my buddy and defined to her that this felt awkward to me as a result of I don’t even know the events concerned. She mentioned she needed to incorporate me as a result of I used to be HER buddy.
Is that this acceptable? I really felt responsible for not sending a marriage reward, and have been a bit resentful that I used to be put in such a clumsy place, however my buddy clearly sees this one other manner.
Time has handed and now I’ve acquired a “save the date” for one more grandchild’s wedding ceremony! What do I do? I don’t wish to upset my buddy, however I don’t suppose I ought to be included in these occasions, since I’ve solely a tenuous relationship to the individuals concerned.
I don’t need this to develop into a problem, however after being advised how I felt the primary time, it doesn’t seem that she acquired the message. These are individuals of means, so it’s unlikely a seize for presents. She appears to see this as an indication of my loyalty to her. HELP!
GENTLE READER: Since you may have dominated out gift-farming, Miss Manners sees no motive to not take your buddy at her phrase: She is together with you as a result of she needs to be higher associates.
If that is an imposition — if you do not need the connection to be greater than informal — then declining the subsequent few invites, and never reciprocating, will make your level.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, firstname.lastname@example.org; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.